TITLE
         FIND HIM THERE
FANDOM
         Stargate Atlantis
PAIRING
         John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
RATING
         R
WARNINGS
         Discussion of past non-con
SUMMARY
         John Sheppard and Rodney McKay had been together long before they ever started a          relationship. But when Rodney's sister, who John didn't even know existed, arrived on          Atlantis insisting that Rodney returns to Earth, John learns more about himself and Rodney          than he ever imagined possible.
WORD COUNT
         20,125 Words
AUTHOR'S NOTES
         Thanks goes out to my incredible betas emeraldsnakes and kityyeme. You guys are the best!

**********

John was settled back against the pillows on Rodney's bed, his bare arm brushing up against Rodney's equally bare side as John worked on a laptop that he'd borrowed from the pile he found on Rodney's desk. Saturday mornings had risen to popularity on Atlantis in the past month or so. Even though they didn't really have weekends, so far as it came to time off, the medical staff had been trying to push for regular breaks for as many personnel as possible. Having late morning Saturdays, where most of the staff didn't have to report in until ten a.m. had already made a huge improvement in moral. At the moment, Elizabeth was holding down the fort in the control room while John and Rodney slept in. Well, while Rodney slept in at least. John just appreciated being able to spend the morning going over last minute duty roster changes and pressing his toes against Rodney's calf.

"Stop thinking so much," Rodney mumbled, shifting a little.

John let a smile steal across his face before leaning over and pressing his lips against Rodney's shoulder. "I thought I didn't think. Isn't that what you said on our last mission?"

Rodney sighed but turned over so that he was on his back, his eyes blinking rapidly as he focused on John's face. "If you were thinking, you'd be letting me sleep. You know how much I need sleep. I don't even know what time I came to bed last night."

"Two thirty, but we didn't go to sleep until almost three," John pointed out. He wasn't quite grinning, but he was sure the little quirk of his lips at the thought was enough to convey his opinions on the subject matter to Rodney.

Rodney smiled and pushed up onto his elbows, kissing John while taking the laptop from him.

John leaned forward into the kiss, his hand coming up to run along the side of Rodney's face, which was a little rough with morning stubble. He was sure that his was at least as bad.

Rodney pulled away and began typing rapidly on the laptop, his eyes focusing on the screen.

"Hey! I thought you were taking that away so we could..." John trailed off, seeing that he'd lost Rodney to his email. "I was using that, you know."

"There's another one you could use around here somewhere," Rodney said, his eyes darting back and forth as he read whatever it was that someone had sent him.

John sighed and got back out of bed, his bare feet hitting the ground with more force that necessary. At least it was in the summer months on Atlantis; if the floor had been cold he would have protested. John thought that eventually Rodney just grabbing things like that would get a bit old, but he'd known what he was signing up for when he'd gotten involved with Rodney. They'd been teammates for almost two years before they'd managed to get together, and John was more than aware of Rodney's little personality quirks. But, then Rodney was aware of John's and was plenty vocal about them, so he figured it was kind of a fair trade.

He found an extra laptop charging and brought it back over to the bed, slipping under the blankets again and letting his leg fall to the side so that it was resting against Rodney's. Rodney gave a small nudge back, which was about as much acknowledgement as he could expect to get when Rodney was engrossed with whatever it was he was typing out, his fingers clattering against the keyboard as if he couldn't move them fast enough to contain all of what he wanted to say.

The sun was peaking through the windows, the little balcony and the larger bed the two reasons that they wound up in Rodney's place more often than John's. That and Rodney was more than a little bit messy and John found that he was less frustrated when Rodney confined his things to his own space.

The computer finished booting up and logging onto the Atlantis servers, and John pulled up the documents he'd been working on before Rodney had stolen the first laptop. The Daedalus was due to arrive that afternoon with another group of personnel, mostly military to replace recent losses but with a smattering of scientists as well. John had already assigned Lorne to sorting out the people as they came onto Atlantis, getting them to the right orientations and their quarters.

John opened the roster list that the Daedalus had sent as soon as they were in range and began to skim down the list of names for people he might recognize. There weren't many among the military; the time he's spent in Antarctica had left him out of contact with most of the people he'd met on his various tours of duty. Their files had been transmitted as well, which John would eventually get to reading before he assigned full time duties and decided who he would allow to go off-world. Most of the incoming group had been pulled from the SGC, though they were going through 'gate experienced people faster than they'd hoped with the war with the Ori in full swing. Sometimes John wondered what it said about all of them that people from the Earth had only been running around the galaxy for ten years and they'd already been involved in three wars.

Rodney huffed a little, leaning forward as he examined whatever had been attached to one of his emails. John grabbed one of the extra pillows that he'd been leaning against and pushed it behind Rodney's back. Rodney settled back in and spared John a brief smile and brushed the edge of his arm against John's side before plunging back in to what looked like some kind of equations accompanied by what John vaguely recognized as Czech.

John turned back to his own work and pulled up the list of scientists that had been sent; a pair of linguists, three biologists of various specialties, a group of nurses, and two physicists. A name caught John's attention and he leaned forward to make sure he hadn't misread the computer.

"Rodney?" John asked.

"What?" Rodney responded without looking up from where he was typing.

"Have you had a chance to look over the people who are arriving on the Daedalus?" John asked, turning the screen so that Rodney could look.

"No, because I'll probably just end up sending them back to Earth if they're anything like the last batch they sent me. Really, are they trying to get all of us killed?" Rodney grumbled.

John rolled his eyes because he knew that the SGC was sending them the best people there were. Or, at least the best people who were willing to travel to another galaxy to maybe be eaten by aliens. "There's a McKay on here. Maybe you're related? It seems like a weird coincidence if not, because there can't be that many people named McKay..." he trailed off when he looked over to Rodney and saw him sitting stock still, his face frozen. Rodney was only still and silent when something was very very wrong. If Rodney was planning something, his hands flying and his eyes wide with fear as he shouted about all of them being very dead, John was reasonably certain that Rodney would get them out of whatever situation they had managed to land themselves in. But, when Rodney was quiet, his hands resting helplessly on his thighs, that's when John knew that it was time to pull out any last ditch plans so that they might stay alive.

"What's the first name?" Rodney finally asked. He was still staring at his own laptop even though his eyes were no longer focused on the equations.

"Jeannie. Jeannie McKay," John said, wondering if he'd made some kind of mistake in bringing this up at all. "Do you know her?"

Rodney's head bobbed in a jerky nod. "You could say that." He began moving again, shutting his laptop without even stopping to save whatever he was working on and getting out of bed. Moments later he had pulled a shirt on and was digging through things on the floor to find his pants.

John watched, uncertain as to what he could do. It was fairly obvious that Rodney didn't want to talk about whoever this person was, but if she was going to be in his department and there was going to be a problem, John had to do something. "I could have her sent back?" he offered.

Rodney looked over to him, his eyes flickering briefly before turning away and shrugging into his uniform jacket. "It won't help. I've got to go."

"Rodney," John swung his own feet out of bed, ignoring the laptops as they clattered against each other.

But it was too late, Rodney had already left the room, leaving John sitting naked with only the blankets to cover him. He barely resisted the urge to shout or throw something, and mostly only due to a lot of practice. Every now and then Rodney would freak out over something, disappear for a few days before coming back and pretending nothing had happened. The first two times it had happened, John had spent a few days caught between frustration and wanting to go find Rodney, and the third time, he had actually gone and fetched Rodney from his 'secret' lab. Eventually, Rodney had explained that sometimes he just needed a few days to sort things out in his head and he would be back. John had, in his own stumbling way, offered that if Rodney needed to talk, he would listen. Rodney hadn't responded except to latch onto John and they'd stood together for a long time. Rodney had still never taken him up on the offer to talk, which was maybe a good thing, but he disappeared less often as well.

John sighed and got out of bed. Although he'd never been able to really figure out what set Rodney off, at least he had something to go by this time. But that would have to wait until after he got everything ready for the Daedalus to arrive. He headed towards Rodney's shower to get ready for the day, hoping that Rodney would come back, just like he always had before.

*****

The Daedalus had been docked for almost twenty minutes by the time Rodney had made it out to the receiving area. It was really amazing, when he took a moment to think about it, how much could go wrong in only a few seconds even when it didn't even involve the Wraith or people trying to kill him. He walked in the through room from the side entrance and watched as Elizabeth, John, and Major Lorne stood in the center, Elizabeth and Lorne greeting and sorting newcomers as they were sent down while John talked with Colonel Caldwell.

Rodney folded his arms and waiting, staying well out of sight. He wasn't quite ready to face John yet, and wasn't sure he would be able to if Jeannie's presence meant what he was worried it might. There were lots of possible reasons for Jeannie's sudden appearance, though it wouldn't have been so sudden if he'd taken the time to check who the SGC had sent him as replacements for two scientists that had been lost a month ago.

No one on Atlantis knew that Rodney had a sister, for so many good reasons that he couldn't even list them all. He and John had never even talked about their families, and Rodney had assumed that John's was like his. Well, maybe not like his, because the level of sheer convolutedness that surrounded his family was fairly impressive and hard to compete with. But he'd at least gotten the sense that John's family, like his, was not something he wanted to talk about.

But a member of John's family had never suddenly shown up on Atlantis, had never come to ruin everything that he'd wanted and worked for. Rodney looked up just in time to see his sister beamed down, her arms folded in a way that mirrored his own and her science department uniform fitting her in a way that his never had.

Her eyes met his briefly before she turned away and talked with Major Lorne, receiving a packet of information and being directed towards a small group of people who were also in science and medical uniforms. Rodney jerked his head and Jeannie changed course, walking through the crowd with a serene expression. Rodney scowled, reaching out as soon as Jeannie was close enough and dragging her out of the room and into a storage area that was nearby.

"Hey!" She wrenched her arm out of his grasp and glared back at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Rodney hissed as soon as the door closed.

"It's nice to see you too, Meredith,” Jeannie said in a mockery of being civil.

“Nice!” Rodney exploded. “Nice! What are you doing? What happened to…the guy?”

Jeannie raised her eyebrows and dumped the duffle bag that she’d had over her shoulder to the ground. “The guy. You mean the man I married? He has a name, you know.”

“I know,” Rodney said. “I know he has a name.” He fumbled around helplessly in his mind, finding plenty that would revolutionize physics as it was currently understood, but nothing that suggested the name of his sister’s husband.

Jeannie folded her arms and stared. “Kaleb and I-“

“I knew that,” Rodney said, even though he hadn’t.

Jeannie waited for a moment before continuing. “Kaleb and I have gotten a divorce, and since I finished my PhD last year, the SGC has been having me work for them, and they offered me a position here on Atlantis. They said that they needed me out here, and it was a chance to put into practice some of the research I’ve been doing.”

Rodney stared, waiting for the roaring that was echoing in his mind to quiet down. “What were you thinking? How can you just abandon, it, like that? You just left it with your ex-husband, who I’d like to point out that you didn’t even like enough to stay with. Or was he the one that left you?” Rodney snapped his fingers. “He did, didn’t he? And you let him keep the kid.”

“It? Mer, really? The least you could have done is drop by in the last five years. Sent a letter, an email. Anything.” Jeannie sat down on a near by crate and stared at Rodney. “Her name is Madison, and Kaleb is taking care of her for a little while,” Jeannie said with an emphasis on the word ‘her’ as if to prove a point.

“Really, what are you doing here?” Rodney asked, pressing his hands against his face. He was mentally screaming for this to be something else, that he was in the infirmary with some kind of concussion, which was extreme because he’d never wished brain damage on himself before.

“I’m staying here, Mer. It’s my turn now; I’m done playing housewife. And I couldn’t stay at the SGC,” Jeannie started.

Rodney frantically shook his head, “Jeannie…”

“You need to be on the Daedalus back to Earth when they leave. Kaleb is watching her right now, but knows to expect you when the Daedalus returns,” Jeannie kept going, ignoring Rodney’s silent pleas for her to stop.

“I’m important here, they need me,” Rodney said desperately.

Jeannie frowned. “Madison is your responsibility.”

“You can’t be serious!” Rodney suddenly wished he’d taken John up on his offer to send Jeannie back to Earth without having a chance to talk to her.

“I am serious, Rodney. I’m not going back to Earth, I belong out here. I should have been here from the start,” Jeannie stood up and walked over to her bag.

“You were the one who dropped out of school to get married,” Rodney pointed out, stepping in between Jeannie and the door. There was no way this was happening. He couldn’t just let her walk out of the room and ruin his life.

“I never said that I didn’t make mistakes. I thought I was in love. Which, I’d like to say is a lot less than-“

“Stop, stop right there,” Rodney held out his hand, not wanting Jeannie to finish that sentence.

Jeannie sighed. “Look, I did you a favor and explained to Madison that her father is coming back for her. I never told her that I was her mother.”

“Well, I should hope not!” Rodney glared. “Jeannie, please.”

“No, Mer. It’s done. You need to be back on the Daedalus when it leaves on Friday. I’m sure you have a lot to finish up before then,” Jeannie picked up her bag. “She’s five now-”

“I know how old she is,” Rodney snapped.

Jeannie nodded. “It will be alright, Mer. I’m sure the SGC still wants you to work for them.” She walked out from the room, brushing past Rodney without waiting for a response.

Rodney dropped his head back and tried to ignore the crushing feeling he felt in his chest. Usually he’d be pretty sure that he was having a heart attack, or a stroke, or something. But he knew this particular feeling and it had nothing to do with his heart or any medical conditions. This was plain old ‘the world is ending’ shock.

*****

John gave Rodney three full days to get himself put back together before he went looking. Three days of lurking around the control room, waiting for Rodney to show up looking more like himself. Three days of sitting in the mess hall for longer than necessary with an extra cup of coffee. Three days of returning to his own quarters, though not before walking by Rodney’s with a life signs detector to see if he was in there. He never was.

But, he finally had a legitimate reason to seek him out and at least make sure he was okay. He never really had to worry about Rodney not eating or anything, which seemed to be a pretty basic Rodney response to just about any situation. But after these little separations Rodney would come back with dark circles under his eyes; completely exhausted and obviously having not slept since he’d last seen him. More than once John had wanted to steer Rodney by the infirmary and have Carson check him over but Rodney had always just motioned them back to his quarters and fallen into bed with John.

With a tablet that had the off-world schedule firmly tucked under one arm John walked down to the main labs, having already checked out Rodney’s secret lab and finding it completely deserted. He heard Rodney before he actually saw him, angry words tumbling out into the corridor that made John pause and wonder if he should just come back later; after lunch maybe. He kept walking anyway, he was just as good as anyone for handling Rodney in the middle of one of his fits; better than most, actually.

Inside the lab, most of the other scientists on Rodney’s staff had cleared out, probably all hiding in one of the smaller labs or in the mess hall where they were safely out of reach of Rodney’s ire. Only Radek Zelenka stood, his back straight and tall and his chin lifted up as he watched Rodney tear through the lab. Rodney was moving whiteboards and tablets, occasionally pausing to scribble something down. All the while he never stopped talking, shouting really, pointing at various projects and explaining why one was a waste of time and should have been shut down months ago and another wasn’t getting the resources it deserved.

John glanced at Radek, who only briefly glanced back before returning his attention to the laptop in front of him where was quickly typing; somehow getting useful information from Rodney’s diatribe.

“What?” Rodney asked, finally realizing that someone besides Zelenka was in the room.

“I need to talk to you about the off-world schedule, so you’re not out when you need to be here,” John said, aiming to keep his voice as neutral and professional as possible. Even though Rodney looked on the verge of a serious collapse, his hair wild and his uniform unkempt, it was clear that he wasn’t quite ready to come back to John yet.

“I don’t have time at the moment. I’m busy saving your collective asses for the foreseeable future,” Rodney walked past John and bent down to look at an experiment that was set up at one of the work stations.

John frowned and watched as Rodney fiddled with something before shutting down whatever was powering the project, all the flickering lights winking out without a sound. Usually, whatever problems he and Rodney might be having in their relationship even before they’d started seeing each other romantically, they’d managed to put them aside in order to save the day or ensure the well being of Atlantis as a whole. “I need you to at least take a look at this, otherwise there will be conflicts and we’ll have to fix them later.”

Rodney slammed down a tablet with enough force that John winced and took a step forward to remove anything breakable from Rodney’s grasp if it became necessary. “I don’t need to see the schedule because I’m not going off-world anymore.”

"What?" John blurted out before he could stop himself. He took several more steps forward. "Look, whatever is going on, it's not bad enough for you to have to leave the team. If you want out of our relationship, just tell me."

Rodney sighed and shook his head. "Look, I really don't have time for this right now. It's not about you, or me, or us. But I have a lot of things to do, so if you'll move," Rodney gave a pointed look to the counter John was standing in front of.

John stared. "We need to talk about this. If you don't want to be on the team, you need to tell me, not just disappear."

"Well, since you've scared Radek away, I suppose this is a good of time as any," Rodney set down the tablet that he'd only just picked up again.

John glanced around and found that Radek had made himself scarce, which was probably wise considering Rodney's currently mood. "I really think we can work this out," John began.

Rodney shook his head again. "It's not about us, don't you listen? I can't be on the team because I'm going back to Earth." Rodney turned his back, apparently focusing on whatever he was on the computer in front of him.

John felt his jaw drop open. On the list of people that he had thought would ever voluntarily leave Atlantis while it was still floating, Rodney was down at the very bottom along with himself, his team and Elizabeth. They were all there because that was the only place for them. He took a moment and tried to put things together. "If this is about that McKay person who just transferred here, we can send her back. You don't have to let her chase you out of the galaxy."

"I have some responsibilities there that I have to take care of," Rodney said tersely, shutting down the power of the computer he'd been working on and walking away.

"But you're coming back," John said, unable to believe that Rodney wouldn't. When Rodney didn't respond John felt his stomach sink uncomfortably. "You're coming back, right?"

Rodney shook his head. "This is kind of a long term thing."

John followed Rodney across the lab, Rodney stopping every few feet to adjust something or make a note on his tablet, but not with the same level of frenzy that he'd been working at before. "Please, let me help you with this," John asked, feeling like he'd just had an encounter with a Wraith and he hadn't gotten the upper hand.

Rodney stopped what he was doing and turned to look at John, desperate and broken under the layer of exhaustion. "There's nothing you can do. I was here on borrowed time, and now I have to go back."

John just watched as Rodney gathered up his tablet and balancing a few other things in his arms before going deeper into the network of labs, the door shutting behind him without a sound.

*****

Rodney found himself back in his quarters later that evening. He dumped the things he'd gathered from the labs onto his desk, things he'd need if he was going to somehow keep working if he was away from Atlantis and the SGC. He rested his hands on the edge of the desk and shut his eyes, exhaustion starting to overwhelm him. Not that anyone would ever know about anything he did. The chances of managing to publish again somewhere respectable after disappearing into government work for the past ten years were slightly ridiculous.

It was even more ridiculous to think that he'd have any time to put into serious research with a five year old underfoot. Rodney wasn't likely to admit lack of knowledge in any field; not knowing something, not being the best at something wasn't something he ever cared to let anyone know about. But he freely admitted that he knew absolutely nothing about raising children. That's why he'd given the baby to Jeannie in the first place, or one of the reasons. She'd wanted a child, wanted a husband, a family, the whole deal. And Rodney couldn't have taken care of a baby, not right then.

There were two packing crates sitting in the corner of his room, only one of them with the lid off and a jumble of clothes that had spilled out as he had halfheartedly tossed things in the direction of the crate without really looking. It was so different than how he'd packed to come to Atlantis; neatly tucking everything away so that he would be able to fit the maximum amount of things he needed in his allotted space. Now he just had to make sure he got everything he might need back with him and hopefully get it through the security clearance at the SGC without too much fuss. He picked up two of the hard drives that he’d filled with research and segments of the Atlantis database that were probably relevant to his work and turned to place them in one of the padded boxes he’d put together, but found himself staring at his bed instead, where John Sheppard was sprawled out with a laptop in front of him.

“What are you doing here?” Rodney asked, putting the hard drives back down before he dropped or threw them.

“I’m filling out transfer forms to go back to the SGC,” John said nonchalantly, in the same voice he’d use to say that he was playing solitaire, or adjusting the security rotation roster.

Rodney was glad that he’d put down the hard drives because he otherwise might have thrown them just out of pure frustration. “No, you’re not. You’re needed here, Atlantis is your home.”

John shook his head and pushed his laptop away so that he was looking directly at Rodney. “Home is where ever you are.”

“Don’t be stupid, though I know it’s a reach. They need you here,” Rodney snapped, turning away. This was all too much. He’d avoided John because he hadn’t wanted a confrontation, hadn’t wanted to have this fight or any other. Now that he didn’t have any choice in the matter he just wanted to leave and try to pretend that he hadn’t been torn from the only place that had ever really felt like home.

John stood up and walked across the room, moving into Rodney’s space while staying just out of reach. “They can send someone else out. Carter or Mitchell would probably be ecstatic to take my place here. Hell, Caldwell will probably leap at the opportunity. You don’t have to leave here alone.”

Rodney swallowed hard, wanting for all the world to just step forward and fall into John’s arms and trust that he’d take care of everything. But he couldn’t do that, not because he didn’t want to be with John, but because he couldn’t let himself be the one to take John away for Atlantis. And that was besides the fact that John didn’t even know why he was leaving in the first place. “Why are you making this harder?” he asked, fighting the way his throat was trying to close up.

“Rodney,” John said. He took a step forward but stopped when Rodney moved further away.

“You’re not going back to Earth, you have to stay here. Please leave so I can pack,” Rodney said, keeping his voice carefully controlled.

John stared at him for what felt like a long time before he picked up his laptop from Rodney’s bed and left.

Rodney turned and picked up the hard drives again and placed them in the padded compartments, arranging them so he’d have space to fit several tucked together on their sides. He knelt there for a moment, concentrating on breathing and not letting his eyes squeeze closed. Eventually, he went back to his desk and started sorting through what he thought he could possibly smuggle back to Earth and what there was no way he could slip through SGC security.

*****

John was sitting at the desk in his quarters, still working on the packet that would hopefully let him transfer back to the SGC. After all Elizabeth had fought in order to keep him out here, even when the Generals gunning for his dismissal should have by all rights won that battle, John felt a little guilty that it had taken so little to make him fill out these forms. He'd never really given any thought to going back to Earth of his own free will; it had just never seemed like a situation that he would be likely to encounter. Nothing on Earth had meant that much to him. On Atlantis, he had his team, Rodney, Elizabeth, and the city itself coming to life at his very touch. It was easy to see why it was so intoxicating, despite the problems with the Wraith, that he would choose Atlantis over Earth.

But, discovering that Rodney was leaving did something to John that he still couldn't explain. The way that Rodney had sent him from his quarters and told him he had to stay on Atlantis still hurt, but Rodney had never told him that he didn't want to be with John. Rodney had never said that he wanted to go back by himself. That left John trusting that Rodney wanted him there, in Rodney's funny way of showing it, and that the fact that he hadn't broken up with him meant that Rodney didn't want to end their relationship.

John scrolled through the section he'd already filled out; it was just waiting signatures from his commanding officer. He cringed a little at that; Elizabeth would be angry to be losing both of them at once, but he knew that Radek was a good supporter of Elizabeth and Mitchell or Carter would work fine with her on the military end. Caldwell might be a different story, but he probably wasn't going to be particularly pleased to be ferrying John's ass back to Earth at any rate. If only he could figure out why Rodney suddenly needed to go back, maybe he could find a way to keep both of them on Atlantis.

Teyla and Ronon were another story all together. Ronon had made so many strides since they'd found him running from the Wraith, and although Ronon could certainly take care of himself he had been a little like a stray dog that John had took home and tamed, just a little. Of course Ronon would wipe the floor with John if he ever knew that John thought any such thing, after he had asked what a dog was, again. But Ronon seemed to be acclimating well enough now that he could manage without John and Rodney around. He'd made friends with some of the marines, who all liked to watch him fight and take bets on how many minutes they could last against him, though the fight was frequently over in a matter of seconds as opposed to minutes.

Teyla he felt a little bit better about leaving now that she'd found a bond with Elizabeth. They'd clashed for so long about how things should be managed in regards to the Wraith and the Athosians that John and everyone else had taken a breath of relief when they'd united together against what Elizabeth referred to as 'John and Rodney's stubbornness and lack of common sense', choosing to ignore the implicit insult. But Teyla and Ronon would have each other, and Teyla and Elizabeth would provide much needed support. They would be alright without him. He had no such assurances about Rodney.

Rodney, who John was slowly training to become more observant of his surroundings to some degree of success, had walked into his own room and been in there for a couple of minutes before he noticed that John was there too. He'd just looked so frail and exhausted that John didn't even know where to start with helping him. One thing was for certain; he had to track down this other McKay, Rodney's sister according the file that he'd managed to dig up on the server, and figure out what she was doing that was making Rodney leave Atlantis.

That would really be the best solution, if both he and Rodney could just stay put. Rodney was right about one thing; they were needed on Atlantis, the both of them. He knew that whoever they got to take their places would manage, but it wouldn't be the same for the people they were leaving behind.

But, in the end, he had something with Rodney that even Atlantis couldn't duplicate. For the first time that John could consciously recall, he was loved and had someone who he loved. Even though he'd been married before, in a disaster that John was beginning to think could only be categorized by the word marriage, no one had understood John on the level that Rodney was able to; interpreting gestures, facial expressions and all the things that John wouldn't or couldn't say with such accuracy that John had on occasion wondered if Rodney was some kind of telepath. It wasn't until he realized that not everyone could read Rodney with the same instinctual ease that he could that John realized that the bond was mutual. And, what being teammates and friends couldn't quite cover, being together in other ways did. There was no way John could let all of that go without a fight, even if it meant giving up Atlantis.

He'd grabbed a packing crate the night before, right before he'd downloaded the transfer request forms from the server, and had started gathering up everything he knew he wouldn't need in the next couple of days. Rodney's room had been the same disaster it always was and John would have stayed to help Rodney pack if Rodney hadn't so unceremoniously requested that John leave. He'd kept the idea that he was leaving between himself and Rodney, not wanting to tell anyone until he was absolutely sure. And that wouldn't happen until he could figure out why they were leaving.

At some point in the next day or so, he was going to track down Rodney's sister and make her tell him what she was doing to drive Rodney away, and if it was as simple as packing her back up onto the Daedalus, he was sure that Elizabeth would back him up no matter who protested. They'd shipped off more than one person who wasn't good for Atlantis, though usually that only happened when John, Rodney, and Elizabeth unanimously agreed, but he was sure that Elizabeth would make an exception and exclude Rodney just this once. Somehow, John didn't think that it wasn't going to be as easy as that.

*****

The last four days had been an exhaustive whirlwind that Rodney could barely recall beyond what projects he'd approved and the data that he'd transferred. When people had come complaining about their research being shut down, he'd given each of them a full minute to get out of his office before he started shouting and by midday they'd all given up approaching him, seeking out Radek for reprieve instead. If anything, they should all know by now that if Rodney had told Radek to shut down the project, Radek would follow that command until it was rescinded by Rodney, John or Elizabeth. Radek may be more approachable than Rodney, but he was no push over.

Elizabeth had been the hardest person to break the news to. Radek had just nodded his understanding, his body and eyes full of sympathy and regret, but having lost enough colleagues to unexplainable situations Radek simply got prepared to learn as much as he possibly could about running the department. It was at that moment that Rodney realized how much he'd come to depend on Radek's steady presence in the labs.

John had also been surprisingly easy to tell, as it came out in a fit of temper, just like most of the important things that he had to talk to John about. John may have chosen to make the entire thing more painful and prolonged with his talk of going back to Earth, but Rodney was fairly certain that nothing could drag John away from Atlantis; not the Wraith, the Genii, the SGC, and probably not death itself. John was like all good commanders; he would go down with his city. The knowledge made Rodney's chest ache a little, like the cracks had already begun to form even though he hadn't wrenched himself away from John and the city just yet.

Elizabeth, though, had hidden behind her calm and collected diplomat face, but even Rodney could see the hurt that she was carefully concealing. And she was the only person that had asked why and had expected a real answer. Radek hadn't even asked; he'd just understood that things beyond control or reason could pull you away from what you loved and from where you were needed. John had asked, but Rodney was able to maneuver his way out of that conversation, just the way he was almost always able to do with John. He knew it was because John let him, the same way that Rodney let John. What wasn't said was a founding principle of their relationship, and even at the end that couldn't be changed.

But Elizabeth couldn't be misdirected or subverted, though Rodney and John had given it a fair try more than once. Eventually Rodney had managed to fob her off with the words 'family obligations' and Elizabeth had let the subject drop with obvious reluctance and an extracted promise that Rodney would come back as soon as he was able.

Now that Elizabeth, though frustrated at his impending disappearance, was all squared away, it really only left Teyla and Ronon who didn't know. Well, out of the people who mattered, anyway. Rodney was pretty certain that as soon as the Daedalus left orbit with him on it there would be a loud and raucous party down in the labs. Rodney felt that he couldn't really begrudge them too much, despite the fact that he was only keeping them all alive by demanding the very best out of them. He was a difficult person to work for, just as his doctoral advisor had been the most hated son of a bitch on the campus. But he'd challenged Rodney, not let him rest of the laurels of his genius, and it was something that Rodney had never forgotten. And he was sure, that somewhere deep inside, they would all realize that eventually, or the scientists who were worth their salt would at any rate. And they would survive.

Rodney found Teyla and Ronon in the mess hall, which was hardly surprising, as they seemed to gather there when they were at loose ends; just like the rest of Atlantis. Rodney procrastinated for just a moment longer and found the pot of coffee, taking the whole thing with him along with a mug to the table by the windows that their team routinely claimed.

"Rodney, are you well?" Teyla asked before Rodney even had a chance to sit down.

He wondered for a moment what was causing everyone to ask him that lately as soon as they saw him. He knew he'd spent less time lately on hygiene than he usually did, but that was fairly routine when there was some kind of crisis on Atlantis. All the engineers and almost everyone else usually looked rough around the edges after spending a few days under attack or with imminent threat of attack looming in the distance.

Rodney found that he couldn't honestly answer Teyla's question, as he most certainly wasn't well; he was going back to Earth! So, instead he just sat down and poured a cup of coffee and cradled it near his chin, breathing in the aroma.

"I've got something I need to tell you both," Rodney mumbled, his spine stock straight and his eyes focused down on the table.

In the very periphery of his vision he caught Teyla leaning forward and the slight stiffening of Ronon's shoulders that meant that Rodney had caught his attention.

"I have to go back to Earth, there's a family member there who needs me," he continued, his explanation getting smoother each time he told it. Family seemed to be a built in excuse that everyone understood without further explanation. If only John would just let him leave it at that.

Teyla reached out and pressed one of her hands to Rodney's. "I trust that you'll continue to send us messages. I'm not sure what we'll do without your expertise."

Rodney let Teyla clasp his hand and decided that this is why he liked Teyla. No questions, no accusations, nothing that he had to answer or explain. "Yeah, of course I will. And you guys will be fine. Radek will figure out someone that will be okay on your team." He sipped from his mug before setting it down on the table, just in time for Ronon to clap him on the back with more force than was strictly necessary.

"Just when you were starting to get good out there. I thought for sure that you were almost going to hit something with that gun of yours," Ronon said, his fingers tightening briefly before he retreated across the table again.

"I've hit things! Lots of things!" Rodney exclaimed. He knew for absolutely certain that at least some of his shots had hit a Wraith before. Not that it had done much good, but guns in general weren't terribly effective against the Wraith at any rate.

Ronon just grinned, even though the grin looked a little less enthusiastic and real than his usual ones did. Their relationship had been kind of rocky as they'd taken a while to get used to each others different styles of fighting the Wraith. Once they'd each saved the others, and the teams, lives a few times, they'd settled into a comfortable respect. Rodney would never be able to wrestle most people to the ground and break them with a single kick, and Ronon wasn't going to be repairing any Jumpers or DHD's in the near future. But they were on the same side, the same team, which was what really mattered.

Rodney sat with them for a few more minutes while he drank his coffee, realizing just how much he would miss eating meals with his team and going off-world with them. There were so many things on Atlantis that he hadn't stopped to really think about, he just accepted them as they were, and now they would be gone.

"I've got to go. Packing and things I've got to finish in the lab," Rodney said as he pushed away his empty cup and stood up.

Teyla was around the table before he could blink, placing her hands on his shoulders and dropping her head ever so slightly.

It took Rodney a moment to remember the Athosian ritual that he'd seen so many times before and he clumsily placed his own hands on Teyla's slender shoulders and dropped his head down so that their foreheads touched. Rodney closed his eyes and just stood there for a moment, suddenly understanding the connection that this particular embrace allowed.

"You will be greatly missed," Teyla said, her voice catching slightly.

Rodney nodded, unable to find the words, and even if he could it was too hard to swallow in order to speak. They released each other and Rodney took a step back, quickly looking away from Teyla.

Ronon grabbed Rodney's arm and squeezed his hand while clutching Rodney's other shoulder; a warrior's embrace. Rodney squeezed back, meeting Ronon's eyes for a brief moment and receiving a solemn nod in return.

When they released each other, Rodney fled from the mess hall, forcing back loss and anger and making his way down to his private lab. He was almost completely packed up but had a few research projects that he wanted to finish before he left. He probably had enough time, if he was lucky enough to not be interrupted.

*****

Finding Jeannie McKay was much harder than John had thought it would be. He almost wondered if it was a McKay trait, being able to hide away when they didn't want to be found, except John had always been able to track Rodney down when he needed him. After finally grabbing a life signs detector and being a little more forcibly persuasive with Atlantis's systems than he usually was, John managed to pinpoint her location out in one of the Ancient research labs in a section of the city that had been cleared for use but had generally been avoided because of the water damage.

Jeannie was bent over a console when John walked in the room, her hair falling forward around her face as she remained intently focused on whatever she was working on. Concentration to the exclusion of any other stimuli seemed to be a McKay trait as well, as John stood there for a few minutes, watching her work.

It was clear that she and Rodney were related; their foreheads spread out in the same way, their eyes moving in the same swift movements with little twitches that gave away whatever they might be thinking at that moment in time, even if they passed too quickly for most people to interpret. Their mouths were different though; Jeannie kept hers tightly closed, occasionally biting at her lower lip or twisting her lips to the side as she thought about something. Rodney's was far more expressive, John thought, always dropping open, or dipping on one side, or slowly curving up in pleasure. Rodney's mouth, along with his eyes, was what made him a terrible liar.

John cleared his throat, hoping that he wouldn't frighten Jeannie too badly. He wanted her out of his city and away from Rodney, but he wanted to at least try to do it pleasantly before he brought out the threats.

Jeannie looked up from her work, twisting her head around to see who was in the room with her. Her eyes narrowed as she focused on John, assessing him and then dismissing him like he couldn't possibly be of any consequence. "I know this area has been cleared for use by scientists, I checked before I came out here," she said, turning back to her project.

A complete lack of social skills seemed to be a family trait as well, John decided. "I'm Colonel John Sheppard," John introduced himself. When this didn't get a response, he decided to plunge forward. Bluntness usually did the trick with Rodney, it might work here as well. "You're related to Rodney McKay?"

"You know I am, or you wouldn't be down here, I assume," Jeannie replied without looking up.

John gaped for a second before regaining his composure. So her social skills were on par with Rodney's, which was good to know. "Then I also assume that you know what I'm going to ask you."

Jeannie turned around again, this time visually examining him with a little bit more interest. She took a few steps towards him and cocked her head to the side in a movement that was so reminiscent of Rodney that John had to blink back his instinctual reaction to move closer. "So you're his boyfriend. I didn't realize that he was with anyone."

"Sounds about fair, as I didn't realize he had a sister until she showed up," John replied, feeling a little off balance by the fact that she'd put it all together that quickly. It would of been more shocking if he wasn't so accustomed to Rodney's leaps of logic.

"Well, at least you're better than the last person Meredith shacked up with," Jeannie gave him a small nod that seemed to indicate at least marginal approval.

John's eyes widened again as he processed that sentence. "First of all, we're not 'shacking up', and secondly, Meredith?"

Jeannie smirked a little and brushed her hair away from her face. "Well, if you don't know about me, I'm guessing you don't know anything at all about our family."

"It's not something that comes up," John said. He suddenly wished that he'd tried to talk to Rodney at least one more time before going after his sister. Obviously he was woefully underprepared for engaging in conversation with the McKay clan in general, at least if they were all like this.

She nodded and looked away for a moment, and it was then that he really saw the family resemblance, beyond physical traits and shared movements. Rodney had that same look that for all the world made them seem so much younger and so lost and vulnerable. And just like with Rodney, it only lasted for a second before all the walls and defenses shot back up. "It doesn't really matter, I suppose."

He shook his head and directed the conversation back to the reason he'd gone to all this trouble. "Whatever you're doing to make Rodney want to leave, you need to stop."

Jeannie gave a short laugh, and actually smiled. "It's not that simple. Meredith and I had a deal, and now he has to fulfill his end of it."

John raised his eyebrows. "A deal? Whatever this petty sibling rivalry is, you need to move past it right now, or you need to go back to Earth. Rodney is vital to the success of our mission; we'd all be dead several times over by now if it wasn't for him, without any exaggeration necessary. Rodney needs to be here."

She sobered, completely serious. "And you wanting him here with you has nothing to do with it? If you weren't in a relationship with him, would you be down here telling me to go back to Earth?"

"Yes, I would be," John said without any hesitation. "I love your brother, a lot. But he knows Atlantis like nobody else does, even me. We need him here."

Jeannie nodded. "You're a good man, Colonel. But Meredith is needed back on Earth, he has a responsibility that has priority and is non-negotiable."

John shook his head and resisted the urge to swear or hit the wall. "That's all he will say, that he has a responsibility. What does that mean?"

"You need to ask him. And you need to ask him why he never told you." Jeannie turned away and went back to her project, the conversation clearly closed.

John stood for a moment before stalking out of the lab, the lights in the corridor flashing a little as they struggled to react to the anger he was seeping. Before he used the transporter to go back to the main area of the city, he rested against the wall and tried to find a way to be calm. It didn't seem like there was any way he would be able to keep Rodney on Atlantis if even by getting rid of Jeannie McKay would mean that Rodney would still have to leave.

He had to give one last try to talk with Rodney, get him to tell him why he had to leave. And if he wouldn't, then he had to decide whether or not to turn in his completed transfer forms without an explanation. He thought that he would, considering that he'd been planning on it anyway, but something Jeannie said bothered him. At first, he'd figured that Rodney just hadn't told him about his family, which was fine because John hadn't really said anything about his own, but now it seemed that Rodney had been actively keeping something from John.

John thought about it until he'd calmed down, slowly coming to a realization. He'd known Rodney for years, trusted him with his life on more than one occasion and slept in the man's bed on a regular basis. Whatever Rodney had kept from him, John knew that Rodney would have a reason for it; maybe only a reason that made sense in the twisted nooks and crannies that made up Rodney's thought process, but whatever it was, John knew that it couldn't possibly anything that would change how John felt about Rodney. Determined, John went back to the central tower of Atlantis, ready to talk to Rodney and hand in his transfer papers.

*****

It was sometime early in the morning, or at least the mess had been serving breakfast when he’d gone in to get coffee so he assumed it was morning, when Rodney stumbled back into his quarters. He blinked a little bit, still holding his coffee and trying to figure out what was different. He’d fallen asleep at some point in the nebulous time between late night and early morning, waking up to flashing lights letting him know that the experiment had finished running and to find an imprint of the keyboard on the side of his face. As he put the cup down on his desk, he realized what was different. He could put a cup down on his desk; someone had been in his room, and from the looks of things they’d been packing.

A clattering sound from the bathroom drew Rodney forward, and he was somehow less than surprised to find John standing in his shower stall going through all the bottles he had on the recessed shelves.

“You really are a pack rat,” John said as he sorted through the bottles, tossing the mostly empty ones into a bulging trash bag at his feet.

“What are you doing?” Rodney asked, breaking his rule about not asking questions to which he already knows the answer.

John looked up after he’d examined the bottle of shampoo and stuck it back in the small pile of things that Rodney was apparently keeping. “I’m helping you pack,” John said. “I’ve already done my quarters, so I figured I’d drop by and help you out, since you seemed to be busy with other things.”

Rodney just stared as John dug through his bottles of body wash and discarded most of them, trying to think of something he could say that would somehow stop all of this and give him a chance to actually sit down and think. The lack of sleep wasn’t helping, even though he usually was pretty good at getting by on only a few hours here and there.

“We need to talk,” John said after waiting for Rodney for a long time. He set the rest of the bottles back on the shelf and stepped out of the shower, stepping past Rodney back into the main living area.

Rodney reluctantly followed, wanting nothing more to just go back to his lab and wait there until the Daedalus was ready to leave. He might have, if he’d thought John wouldn’t just follow him there.

“I talked with your sister today,” John said as he sat down on the edge of Rodney’s bed.

Rodney’s stomach started to ache and he leaned against his desk and folded his arms. He’d already given up on the idea of getting to stay friends with John, or stay in a relationship with him, but he had wanted John to keep a good opinion of him. “What did she say?” he asked, not really sure he wanted to know.

“She said that I should ask you,” John shifted on the bed. “So, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Rodney agreed, a little snippily.

John rolled his eyes and stood back up. “Aright, if you’re going to make this difficult.”

Rodney rolled his eyes and thought that it was John who was making things difficult.

“Why are you going back to Earth?” John asked, direct in a way that he rarely was.

Rodney swallowed hard and looked away. “I have a child, back on Earth. Jeannie was raising her, and now she wants her turn at a career.”

John’s jaw dropped a little before he caught himself.

Rodney closed his eyes and waited, waited for John to yell, or for John to leave.

"Alright," John's voice came out a little shaky. "That's not what I was expecting you to say, but alright."

Rodney's eyes popped open, feeling about as shocked as John looked. This wasn't supposed to be happening. John was supposed to be gone and angry, no furious, that Rodney had some kind of secret love child that he'd never said anything about. The conversation was supposed to be over. "What?" Rodney managed to ask, not entirely sure what he was even asking.

"It's alright," John stepped closer. "We'll figure it out. I'm sure we can find a house that's close to the SGC and has a good school. There's child care to consider, if we're both going to be working full time, but that's all detail stuff."

Rodney could feel his heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears, his eyes trying to focus on John as he walked slowly across the room towards Rodney. "Are you insane?" he managed to finally ask, the words catching in his throat.

John's brow creased, looking concerned. "Rodney, it's not the end of the world. We can raise a kid, how hard can it be?"

"The kid is Samantha Carter's. Mine and Sam Carter's," Rodney blurted out, pulling himself out of reach of John's outstretched hand.

John's eyes got wider, his eyebrows creeping up across his forehead as his hand dropped limply to his side. "You had a baby with Colonel Carter?" His inflection was completely blank, like he couldn't even process the thought enough to have an opinion.

"Well, it was Captain Carter at the time," Rodney said. He wanted to look away, not watch as John started to hate him, or became repulsed by him, or all those other things that came flooding back when Rodney even thought about the whole mess.

"I thought she couldn't stand you; I thought you couldn't stand her?" John finally asked, looking more than a little confused. He sat down on the desk chair that had been pushed out of the way to make room for packing.

Rodney knew that John was thinking of when SG-1 had shown up out of nowhere, trying desperately to take care of the Ori problem that was plaguing the Milky Way. He and Sam had gone out of their way to avoid being in the same room with each other, let alone interact. John had found him sending an email from engineering on the Apollo, when Sam had only been a five minute walk away on the bridge. When John had asked, Rodney had just shook his head and said that it was better that he interacted with Sam by email and the rest of SG-1 not at all. John had just nodded, having obviously noticed that no one on SG-1 had even spoken to Rodney without it being absolutely necessary.

"Now you know why," Rodney finally said. He rubbed at his eyes, wondering vaguely when the last time that he'd sat down was, or the last time that he'd taken a short nap in a bed. He hadn't slept at all since the Daedalus had arrived, except to take quick and often unintentional naps.

"You liked her enough to have sex with her," John pointed out, running one of his hands through his already messy hair.

Rodney often had explosive reactions to things, reactions that felt like they were completely beyond his control, even though he had been told by multiple psychologists that it wasn't the case. Then again, he figured that as far as sciences went, psychology was down with palmistry and fortune telling, at least where the realm of scientific enquiry and fact was concerned. Kate Heightmeyer, when she'd been alive, had actually helped him with one or two things when he'd seen her, so the profession wasn't a complete waste in that respect. So when Rodney grabbed the nearest thing at hand, fortunately a long empty coffee mug from his nightstand, and flung it across the room, it didn't really come as a surprise to either of them. "It wasn't by my choice!" he shouted, the noise of the coffee cup breaking not quite enough to release the tension that was causing his hands to shake.

John's face, which had been folded up in something that resembled concern, went completely blank. He got to his feet, his arms folding around his chest. "What exactly are you saying, Rodney?" He left it there, not willing to say what was so obviously at the forefront of his mind.

Rodney leaned against the wall and used it to control his slide down so that he was sitting on the floor. This was exactly the conversation he hadn't wanted to have, or at least more of the conversation that he hadn't ever wanted to have with John. There was so much he hadn't told John that was actually somewhat relevant, and if the contents weren't enough to drive John away, the fact that he'd kept it from him was. He couldn't think of a way to get John to leave before he heard everything; if John had gone through the trouble of tracking down Jeannie to try and get her to leave, then John wasn't just going to let this go.

*****

"Rodney?" John asked again. He walked to where Rodney was sitting and sat down on the floor, his legs stretching out so that his ankles were next to Rodney's knees. John hadn't expected anything like this when he'd gone to talk to Rodney. Part of him was still taking a huge sigh of relief that Rodney wasn't dying or anything like that, even though he hadn't really believed that he was. But Rodney having a kid, even if it had somehow been with Colonel Carter, wasn't nearly as bad as Rodney seemed to think it was. John had never really considered having kids before, with his ex-wife it hadn't even been an option; John had always been away on missions and his wife had grown more and more bitter until they'd finally separated. But, with Rodney, a kid didn't sound like it would be such a bad thing.

"Rodney?" John asked, noticing that Rodney had basically curled up into himself, his eyes focused on the distant wall and his shoulders hunched in. This is usually what Rodney looked like just before he took off, but Rodney didn't seem like he was going to do that this time. John scooted across the floor and turned around so that he was also leaning against the wall, letting one of his knees press up against Rodney's.

"When I was at the SGC, before I came to Atlantis, before I was sent to Siberia, I would occasionally go out with a team to take a look at technology or whatever needed someone with my expertise," Rodney started. He took a quick glance over at John.

John nodded. He'd seen Rodney's file and wouldn't have let Rodney on his team if he hadn't at least had a little bit of off-world experience. He tried to put together the pieces, imagining a romantic relationship between Rodney and Sam that had somehow gotten messed up. John thought he could imagine Rodney's solution to a break up involving transferring across the world.

Rodney saw John's nod and looked away again, clenching his hands briefly before releasing them. "One mission, I was out with SG-1. We got captured by a Goa'uld," he said, his voice cracking a little as he stopped and swallowed.

John had froze, the possible stories that he had started to imagine not at all matching up with what Rodney was saying. "There wasn't anything in your file about being captured by the Goa'uld," he said as neutrally as he could manage.

"They classified the entire mission, very classified. No one wanted anyone to know how badly that had all gotten screwed up," Rodney shrugged. "Sam and I were there for a couple of months. I'm not really sure when O'Neill and the others broke out, maybe after a week or two. They didn't have any choice but to leave us there."

"They left you with the Goa'uld? For months?" John asked, trying very hard not to blame a General for leaving Rodney behind. He knew that sometimes rescue just wasn't possible; that people died and nothing could be done. And he still had Lieutenant Ford who haunted his thoughts and dreams. Whenever he went off-world, there was a part of him that looked and hoped that he would see something that would lead them to Ford; that they could take him back to Atlantis and Carson would be able to fix him this time, make Ford right again. So he could, kind of, understand. But he didn't like it.

Rodney shook his head. "They didn't have a choice. If they hadn't left, they wouldn't have been able to come back for us later."

It sounded an awful lot like something that Rodney was telling himself because he wanted to believe it, something John was very familiar with doing. John reached out, wanting to offer some type of comfort to Rodney, even though he really didn't know what he was doing. He'd missed Rodney a lot over the week and he was glad that Rodney was at least speaking to him again. Rodney pulled away from his touch and John brought his hand back, setting on the floor in between them in case Rodney decided that he wanted it.

"They made Sam a host. And that host recognized the feelings that I had for Sam at the time, even though Sam had never returned them," Rodney said, looking away from John. "The Goa'uld thought it was amusing. Thought it was funny that I didn't want Sam when she was a host, thought it was funny that I tried to push her away. Maybe if I hadn't been so, vehement about it, she wouldn't have kept coming back."

John let out a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Rodney," he started, but had no idea how to finish that sentence.

Rodney just shook his head. "By the time they came and got us, Sam was pregnant and everything was just too medically complicated for her to abort the baby, and she wasn't really in the right space to be making that decision anyway. She still had the Goa'uld in her, even though it wasn't in control and they took it out after she gave birth."

John only knew a little bit about the Goa'uld, having read the mission reports and seen the one that had controlled Colonel Caldwell. The Wraith were bad, but at least they could see a Wraith and shoot on sight. To having something controlling your own body, or controlling the body of someone you knew and cared about was just downright disturbing; Caldwell had been bad enough and John wasn't even really fond of him.

"She couldn't even look at the baby after she'd given birth, wouldn't see me, though I don't blame her there. At that point, I didn't even want to step foot in the mountain; SG-1 never really forgave me. I really don't want to see General O'Neill again if I can help it. And Sam wouldn't let her brother take the baby either. So, Jeannie had just gotten married a few months before and had talked about having children. I called her, and she agreed to take the baby until I had gotten myself back together," Rodney turned and stared directly at John.

It took a moment for John to realize what Rodney was expecting, why Rodney was holding himself so stiff with his chin raised and his shoulders squared. This was what Rodney did when he was preparing to be attacked, when he was trying to be brave. "Rodney, none of that is your fault."

Rodney just continued staring at him, waiting.

After a moment, John scooted closer, wrapping one of his arms around Rodney's shoulders and pulling Rodney in against him. Rodney was stiff for a long moment before he relaxed into John and pressed his head into John's shoulder. John moved his other arm so that he was holding Rodney in a loose hug and they sat together.

John was silently furious, for so many reasons. He was upset that he didn't know about this, that it hadn't been in his file. Rodney had never responded well to captivity, the first couple of times they'd been taken prisoner he'd been on the verge of panicking and hyperventilating. Ford had been less than sympathetic, his own fear leaving him crabby and derisive, leaving John and Teyla to step in. Now that Rodney's panic and fear made perfect sense, John felt a little guilty as he remembered being frustrated with Rodney. Then again, if it had been Rodney's file, John never would have taken Rodney off-world or put him on his team and never gotten to know him like he did.

"I don't know if I can work at the SGC again. Atlantis is different," Rodney said, his voice muffled against John's chest.

John nodded and gently rubbed Rodney's back. "You don't have to work at the SGC, not if you don't want to. But, if you do, I'll be there."

Rodney paused before he nodded again. "I wouldn't want to not be doing anything. That wouldn't work, not after being here."

John thought that it was unlikely that Rodney had ever been able to not do anything. He couldn't really imagine a time when Rodney was still or silent; even when Rodney was asleep he was twisting around in the blankets and kicking out his feet. "Well, let's take it one step at a time. We don't have to decide anything right away."

"You don't blame me?" Rodney asked, pulling away from John so that he could look in his eyes. "You don't think this makes me some kind of terrible person?"

"No. Never," John said without hesitation. He left his arm around Rodney, letting Rodney decide how close he wanted to be.

"I never told Jeannie what happened, it was before she was read into the program. I just said that it was an, accident," Rodney looked to John again, his face pinched with emotion. "She never even asked."

John nodded and tugged Rodney back over to him again. There was nothing he could really say to that, and he was trying really hard not to resent Rodney's sister.

"You're really coming back with me?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah. I've already told Elizabeth, and talked to Teyla and Ronon. This morning before I came and saw you. My transfer papers are all signed and everything," John admitted, shifting on the floor.

"How did you know that I wasn't going say something and you weren't going to want to come?" Rodney asked, his hands clenching in John's shirt.

"I know you, Rodney. Maybe not everything, but I know you," John shifted again before he managed to push his legs under them, standing and hauling Rodney up in one motion. "Come on."

Rodney followed easily enough, letting John guide him.

John was glad that he'd thought to clear all the clothes and other things off Rodney's bed before he'd started working his way through the other parts of Rodney's room. He moved so that he was propped up by pillows and tugged Rodney down so that he was laying with him.

"I've got things I should do," Rodney said, resisting for a moment.

"You've done everything you needed to in the lab, and packing won't take much longer. You can rest," John said, running his hand up and down Rodney's stiff back. It took a moment, but Rodney relaxed into John's arms, either realizing the truth in what John had said or being too exhausted to care.

The next time John looked down, Rodney was asleep, still holding onto John like a live preserver. John wrapped his arms around Rodney, brushing his hair away from his face and letting him sleep. Elizabeth already knew that they were supposed to be spending the day packing and getting ready to leave, and John had already given Lorne everything he needed to manage the military until the SGC sent a replacement commander; they wouldn't be missed for a few hours. When Rodney twisted around as he fought his own dreams, somehow managing to not let go of John, John just held on and waited it out, caught up in what Rodney had told him.

*****

Three weeks later - Earth

The Vancouver airport had been surprisingly crowded and it had taken Rodney a while to realize that it wasn't any busier than usual, he'd just gotten used to living in a giant floating city on the ocean with only a few hundred people. From the tenseness in John's shoulders, he was having a little trouble adjusting as well, his eyes constantly flickering over the crowds and his hand resting where his holster usually sat. But then, John had been tense ever since they'd left Atlantis and Rodney had been trying to ignore a growing sensation of guilt from the moment they had stepped onto the Daedalus.

John got them a rental car; he refused to let Rodney drive when they were in a car together, usually muttering something about his skills in a car rivaling his ability with the puddle jumpers whenever Rodney tried to grab the keys. Rodney set up the GPS as John tossed their bags in the trunk, it was still early enough that they would reach their destination by late afternoon.

Rodney had found directions to Kaleb's house in his email; an email that Jeannie had apparently sent right before they'd left Atlantis, as well as the dates that Kaleb had been told to expect them. It had taken Rodney a full week before he'd pushed his laptop over to John with the email open. He still half expected John to bail on him, to suddenly realize that this was an actual kid that Rodney was talking about, or realize what Rodney had done and be horrified. John had been so surprisingly good about everything, so calm like it wasn't anything at all. One of the reasons Rodney dreaded being at the SGC was because he was sure that somehow news of their relationship would spread to Washington and Jack O'Neill would come at tell John exactly why he shouldn't be with Rodney.

"We ready?" John asked, leaned over to look where Rodney was sitting with the GPS still on the start screen in his hands.

Rodney shook himself out of his thoughts and punched in the address, the computer voice telling them where to go. John started the car and they looped around the airport and out through the city.

"So, what's Kaleb like?" John asked, apparently deciding that it was a good time to make conversation, since they'd sat in silence through the plane ride from Denver to Vancouver; John staring at the cockpit with a deep frown while Rodney sat with his laptop open to an email with equations that Radek had sent him. There were three more emails waiting for him, more questions along with details of the raucous party the scientists did throw and more details about how much Radek didn't want to deal with all the people in the department. Rodney felt slightly vindicated at that, smiling a little at the attached picture with two of the physicists passed out under one of the lab tables. He imagined that they both had rather vicious hangovers the next morning.

"Rodney?" John asked, causing Rodney to jerk slightly in his seat. That had been happening more often than usual as well; Rodney getting lost in thought even when someone was speaking to him, and completely forgetting to answer.

"I've never met him," Rodney said finally.

John blinked and then nodded. "Alright."

Rodney waited for the recriminations that he was starting to realize weren't coming. John never seemed to have anything to say when he did something that usually had people complaining. He wasn't sure what that said about John, that John was just that easy going, or something else that Rodney couldn't describe. Rodney shifted in the car, realizing how much Vancouver had changed since the last time he had been there five years ago, when he'd told his sister that he'd need a favor, a huge impossible favor. And for once in her life she'd agreed, only to screw him over years later.

The little computer voice chirped from the GPS and John directed the car off the freeway, gliding through the traffic without causing a collision or even having anyone honk at them. Rodney shrugged a little and watched as the scenery changed from city to a lazy little suburb that was pressed up against a college town. They slowed down as they entered a neighborhood, the GPS directing them to a street address and announcing that they were arriving at their destination.

John slowed to a stop at the curb and turned off the engine, waiting for some signal from Rodney.

Rodney examined the house, it was a descent size with a front yard with plenty of trees and grass. There was a tire swing hanging from one of the branches of the largest tree, a scooter propped up against the front steps, and illegible chalk drawings scribbled all over the front walk. He took a deep breath, consigning himself to this new existence and got out of the car. John's door slammed shut somewhere behind him and a moment later, John was at his side. When Rodney looked, he found that John's attention was focused on Rodney, not on the obvious signs of a child inhabiting the house they were standing in front of.

He wanted to hear John tell him that they didn't have to do this; that they could get back on the plane and go back to the SGC, be underfoot on the Daedalus for three more weeks and go back home. But John didn't say anything, he just stood there and waited for Rodney to be ready to go forward.

Finally Rodney reached out and squeezed John's hand for a brief moment and they started on the path up to the house, stepping over the cracks in the sidewalk and over colorful scribbles of things that Rodney could vaguely identify as a house and a messy hopscotch with misshapen numbers filling the squares.

They climbed up the steps, Rodney noticing a purple helmet abandoned next to the scooter. Just being on Earth seemed strange enough after a little over two years on Atlantis, and visiting his sister's ex-husband in order to claim his biological child felt stranger than just about anything he'd encountered in the Pegasus galaxy.

"Ready?" John asked, realizing that Rodney wasn't going to do anything without prompting.

Rodney shook his head and reached out and rang the doorbell.

*****

The doorbell sounded within the house and they heard a shout of "I'll get it!" followed by feet running towards the front door.

John glanced back over at Rodney, wondering a little bit if he was going to have to keep him from bolting. Rodney had looked particularly grim since they'd left Atlantis, haunting the engine room and terrorizing Novak and Hermoid until Caldwell had came to John asking to keep at handle on his physicist before someone spaced him. Of course, John hadn't really been pleasant company himself. He'd found himself spending the majority of his time staring out as they went through space, wondering if he would ever get to fly while he was stationed on Earth. Rodney shifted a little and John tensed to reach out and grab him, but the door flung open before either of them could move.

"Hello?" the child standing in the doorway asked, looking up at both of them curiously.

John heard Rodney take a sudden breath and swallow hard, and he could understand why. The girl was obviously a McKay, sharing features that were prominent both in Rodney and Jeannie, her mouth tipping in a very familiar way. But, at the same time, it was mixed in with Colonel Carter's cheekbones and blonde hair that tumbled over her shoulders and just about into her very blue eyes.

"Can I help you?" the girl asked, her head moving to the side as she considered both of them, but her gaze kept going back to Rodney.

John found that he couldn't ask if her parents were home, considering who he was standing with. The whole situation was still a little mind boggling to him, he couldn't imagine what it would be like for a five year old.

"Who is it, Maddie?" a voice from within the house called, footsteps following close behind. A man appeared a moment later, assessing both of them with a stern glance.

When it became apparent that Rodney wasn't going to speak, John tried his best smile, the one he used off-world when meeting for the first time with the leaders of a settlement. "I'm Colonel Sheppard, and this is-"

"Rodney McKay," the man finished. He stared at Rodney for a moment, his hand coming down to grip the girl's shoulder and tug her a little bit further in the house.

Rodney nodded suddenly, taking another breath and letting it out. "Yes, I am. Jeannie gave me your address. She said you'd be expecting us."

John had a sudden realization that maybe calling before they'd come all the way to Canada might have been a good idea, but Rodney had been so insistent on booking the first plane out of Denver they could get on after they debriefed that everything else had fallen by the wayside.

"Of course," Kaleb said and stood further back, tugging the child with him. "Why don't you come in."

Kaleb didn't look particularly happy to have them there, and John found that he couldn't blame him. John rested a hand on Rodney's back and they entered the house, Rodney looking around at anywhere but the girl.

"We should sit down and sort everything out," Kaleb frowned, his hands resting on the girl’s shoulders as she twisted in his grasp.

She looked from Rodney to Kaleb and back again. "Daddy?" she asked.

"Go play upstairs. When we're done talking..." Kaleb trailed off, glancing to Rodney and looking utterly miserable. "Go upstairs, Maddie."

Maddie took another look at all of them, like she was still trying to figure something out, before running up the stairs. Moments later a door slammed shut.

"You didn't tell her we were coming?" Rodney asked.

"I wasn't sure if you'd actually show up," Kaleb said, walking down the hallway and leaving them to follow.

Rodney sighed. "Look, I don't know why you left my sister-"

"What? Is that what she told you?" Kaleb turned when they reached the kitchen and John cringed inwardly at the open expression of pain on his face.

Rodney paused and thought about the question. "No, she never really clarified the point."

"She left you?" John asked, remembering what he'd felt when his ex-wife had told him that she wanted a divorce. It didn't seem like relief was high on the list of things Kaleb was feeling.

"Coffee?" Kaleb asked, turning to mess with the machine which was answer enough all by itself.

"Yes, anything you have has to be better than the swill they had at the airport." Rodney dropped down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and stopped short.

John walked over and leaned in, finding what Rodney was suddenly staring at. A homework assignment, in scrawling hand writing that carefully copied words ending in '-at' with accompanying pictures colored in crayon. The crayons were still laying out, a scent that was suddenly bringing back memories of grade school.

Rodney reached out and nudged one of the crayons and watched it roll across the table, like he couldn't quite believe it was real.

"She's very smart," Kaleb said, watching them from where he was leaning against the counter. "She's in the accelerated program at her school."

"Of course she is," Rodney snapped, looking away from the paper.

A few uncomfortable minutes later Kaleb over with cups of coffee and set them down on the table, collecting the papers and setting them aside on the counter. He sat down across from them, watching with a shuttered expression. "Jeannie never told me who her mother was, and it's obviously not," Kaleb gestured to John.

Rodney flinched and glared. "Obviously not. She didn't tell you, because she doesn't know. She didn't ask."

Before John could intervene, Kaleb pushed his cup away.

"I'm sorry. This is just very hard. My wife left me because she was interested in some job that we couldn't follow her to, or even apparently stay married while she was away. And then she tells me that her brother is coming back to take Maddie from me." Kaleb pressed one of his hands against his forehead. "Maddie is all the family I have left. I just hope that we can have some sort of arrangement where I can still see her. She doesn't even know you."

John and Rodney stared at him for a minute before looking at each other.

"You want to keep, Maddie?" Rodney asked, using the name that Kaleb had supplied.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? I may not be her father, but she's been mine since we got her three days after she was born." Kaleb stared back. "You don't want her?"

Rodney let out a huff of relief and John nearly smiled at how obviously grateful Rodney was with the turn of events. "No offense, but having a child is not in my long term plans. I never planned to have children, and I'm in no way prepared to take care of one. Just ask John."

"Rodney," John nudged Rodney's leg with his. It was the same as always, as soon as Rodney felt the danger had passed he'd talk at length just with pure relief. After the near silence of the past few weeks, John was glad to hear Rodney talking with the same ease as usual, but it wasn't really the time or place. And it was always a good idea to stop Rodney before he said something that was offensive, even when Rodney didn't intend it that way.

Kaleb leaned back against his chair, looking somewhere between shocked and grateful, his chest rising and falling a little more quickly than necessary. "I can't believe it. She just told me that you'd be coming for her. I just thought that you didn't want her staying with someone who wasn't family. I never," he stopped and shook his head, using one of his hands to run through his hair before pressing it against his mouth.

"It's okay. We don't want to take your kid. We were just under the impression that you didn't want to keep her," John said carefully, wondering why Jeannie had sent them all the way back to Earth when she had to have known that her ex-husband wanted to keep the child.

Kaleb just shook his head, clearly overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events.

John glanced over and found Rodney watching Kaleb with an almost sympathetic expression. Rodney's face twisted and John suddenly felt Rodney's hand reaching under the table and landing clumsily on his knee. John placed his own hand over Rodney's and squeezed gently.

"Thank you," Kaleb finally said, composing himself even if he couldn't quiet erase the evidence that he'd been very close to tears.

Rodney looked down at the colorful spread of crayons that were still in front of him and then glanced over to John. "I suppose we'll just contact the lawyers and get them to start drafting guardianship papers. The ones that were originally signed granted temporary custody to Jeannie, but..." he trailed off uncomfortably.

"You should stay for dinner. I know you've had a long flight and haven't eaten yet." Kaleb grinned at them and stood without waiting for a response. He started pulling things from the pantry and paused to look over to where they were still sitting. "I can make up the guest room if you want to stay for the night. Or a few days even, give Maddie a chance to get to know you."

John twisted his mouth into an approximation of a smile. "No, thank you. We have hotel reservations for tonight and we'll need to report back to the base as soon as possible." He squeezed Rodney's hand again and directed a more genuine smile at him, with Rodney tentatively returned. Apparently they were far more welcome in Kaleb's house now that he didn't think they were trying to take his kid.

Rodney got to his feet and went over to the coffee pot for a refill and John joined him, relaxing a little as he took in the implications of what was happening. They could go back to Atlantis, maybe not right away, but they were no longer Earth-bound until the kid was 18. From the tension that was slowly draining from Rodney, it seemed he was coming to the same conclusion.

*****

Kaleb made some sort of pasta thing, which Rodney found was actually very good. It was always somewhat of a shock to be back on Earth, just for the sheer variety of things that could be found just by going to a shopping center or a grocery store. Rodney actually liked the majority of the food that could be found in the Atlantis mess hall; the cooks were descent and consistent and there was always enough to eat, or at least now they were back in contact with Earth there was, and usually something that he could take back to the lab with him for dessert. But, having a home cooked meal and not eating either in front of a computer or in a cafeteria setting was a rarity for Rodney, and he was finding it to be kind of nice.

The food, at least, was kind of nice. The company and conversation were another matter entirely, and Rodney was suddenly more grateful than he ever thought he could be that Kaleb wanted to keep the messy little monster that was sitting across from him.

"But, what do you do?" Maddie asked for the third time, smearing sauce across her face as she missed her mouth with the fork and knocked the piece of pasta into her lap.

Rodney shot a desperate glance at John, completely out of his realm of comfort. The first explanation he'd given had been too vague, and the second apparently too complicated.

"Rodney fixes things that are broken and he works on the computers. He's very important," John explained, taking a napkin from the center of the table and passing it to Maddie.

Maddie used the napkin to wipe her face, mostly just smearing the sauce further. She then picked up the piece of fallen pasta from her lap and ate it. "What do you do?" she asked John.

"Me?" John asked, looking surprised to be asked.

Kaleb had introduced John to Maddie as Rodney's 'special friend'. If Rodney hadn't already been in a state of mild shock from Kaleb telling Maddie that Rodney was her 'daddy', he would have been actively protesting the terminology. John had just stared, his mouth opening slightly like he wanted to object but couldn't find the words. Maddie had reacted to the news more calmly than either of them had to Kaleb's explanation. She'd walked over and stared directly at Rodney, examining his face very closely before reaching up and touching his cheek with her fingertips, remarking that Rodney looked like her.

"I..." John gave a similarly panicked glance to Rodney. Saying that he fought aliens in another galaxy was not an option, just as explaining that Rodney figured out and fixed alien technology was not an option.

Mostly forgiving John for making him sound like a mechanic or a secretary, Rodney spoke up. "John keeps everyone in the city safe and makes sure that everyone is taken care of. And he flies a lot of cool planes."

John's mouth curved up into a smile at the description Rodney had given, obviously preferring it to the way he would have described himself.

"Why don't you tell them about your school, Maddie?" Kaleb suggested, saving them from anymore awkward questions.

Maddie immediately launched into a detailed explanation about her class, her teacher, and the boy who sat at her table who was apparently a perpetual annoyance. With a little encouragement from Kaleb she talked about what she’d been learning, her hands waving enthusiastically through the air in a way that made Rodney wonder if she’d seen Jeannie do it while talking, because hand movements shouldn't be hereditary.

John was watching her with a smile, asking questions and listening when she responded, paying more than he did in briefings. Rodney finished his meal while he watched, suddenly wondering if he shouldn't have been so quick to say that they weren't going to take Maddie. Not for himself, as he still wasn't enthused at the idea of trying to raise a child, but John seemed to be rather attached. Maybe one of the reasons John had been so accepting about the whole thing was that he actually wanted a kid. Rodney made a face as he reviewed his last couple thoughts and dismissed them as his brain being maybe a little dulled by spending the last few weeks in transit.

"You alright?" John asked quietly, nudging Rodney's foot.

Rodney looked around and found that everyone was watching him, Maddie with her head tipped to the side far enough that the ends of her hair were just about dipping in the sauce on her plate.

"Fine. This was," Rodney gestured towards his empty plate, "surprisingly good."

Kaleb took Rodney's words for the compliment that was intended and started to gather up the empty plates. "I'm glad you liked it. Cooking is a hobby of mine. I'm just going to put dessert in the oven to warm up. Maddie, do you want to give them a tour of the house?"

"Actually," Rodney glanced at John for confirmation that they should get out while they had the opportunity.

"It's just a chocolate souffle, only needs about 20 minutes to warm up," Kaleb called from where he was setting a dish into the oven.

"That sounds absolutely great," Rodney finished his sentence, his stomach making the decision before the rest of him caught up. By the way John was smirking, he didn't really mind.

Maddie slid out of her chair and dashed towards the edge of the kitchen. "Come on! I want to show you my play room."

Kaleb wrangled her before she had a chance to escape and quickly washed her hands and face, wiping sauce off the legs of her pants before turning her loose again. Rodney was moderately impressed and decided that child rearing seemed to be a combination of zoo keeping, food preparation, and twenty questions.

"Come on," Maddie said, scrambling back and grabbing Rodney's hand with her thankfully clean hand.

Rodney followed, mostly because he wasn't given any choice. He was relatively certain that he'd been kidnapped on off-world missions by people who more gentle and less enthusiastic than Maddie. He shot a glance back and was relieved to find that John was following them, still looking moderately amused by Rodney’s predicament.

They wound up in Maddie's playroom, John down of the floor with Maddie as they built with some kind of odd plastic building toy that looked nothing like Legos, though he did see a box of the little colorful bricks spilling off of one of the shelves.

"Can I call you Uncle John?" Maddie asked, separating the pieces by size and color and John helped her. "I don't have any real uncles, but could I call you that anyway?"

"Sure," John replied, looking up and motioned Rodney to join them.

Rodney waved him off and sat down in one of the chairs that was made for bodies much smaller than his.

Maddie was babbling as she put pieces together, reaching up and giving John various pieces as she told him what to do with them. Rodney couldn't help but think of John sitting next to him as he worked on a project, asking for various tools or demanding that John activate something with his touch. He wondered where Maddie would be in twenty years, wondered if the Stargate program would be declassified by then, if Maddie would decide to go into something that would wind up with her there and going through the 'gate. His stomach twisted a little as he thought of that, of all the dangers that were already on Earth that had nothing to do with aliens, and of all the things she might encounter out there. Going through the Stargate was something Rodney couldn't say he regretted, not after John and Atlantis, but he wasn't sure he ever wanted Maddie to do it either. He knew the costs, he was looking directly at one after all, and despite the possibilities and experiences he didn't want that life for someone he was indirectly responsible for.

"I thought you might need another one of these," Kaleb said quietly as he sat down at the small table, his legs stretching out in front of him. He handed Rodney a cup of coffee, kept one for himself, and placed a third on the table.

Rodney gratefully accepted the cup, eager to be distracted from his thoughts.

After a moment Kaleb cleared his throat and set down his cup. "I wanted to ask about Maddie's mother. I know you said Jeannie didn't know who she was, but-"

"And I can't tell you either. It's classified. Mission related." When Kaleb just stared at him, his eyes wide, Rodney felt compelled to reassure him at least a little. "She won't come for her, she signed away her parental rights two days after Maddie was born. She wasn't planning on this anymore than I was."

Kaleb frowned, looking at Rodney like he thought he could find something there. He looked over to where John was building little airplanes from the construction toy and explaining about different types while Maddie listened raptly, and then looked back to Rodney. "Whatever it is you two are involved in is big, right? Life-changing, world-altering big?"

Rodney's assessment of Kaleb's intelligence, which had suffered when Kaleb had explained that he works as an English professor, rose several points. He nodded grimly as he watched Maddie and John play. "It changes everything."

"It would be good for Maddie if you were willing to stay in contact, even after the legal issues have been resolved." When Rodney moved to protest, Kaleb continued to speak. "I know that your job is busy and dangerous, and probably involves a lot of traveling and everything. But just letters, pictures, videos, whatever. Maddie needs more family than just me and my parents. Maybe a visit every few years, if you have the chance."

Rodney nodded again, figuring that's the least he can do if Kaleb taking her means that he gets to go back to Atlantis. "I can help with tuition and things. Whatever she needs."

Kaleb smiled and went back to his coffee. "You're nothing like I expected."

Looking around the room, Rodney silently agreed. But then, just about nothing had been like he'd expected for many years. He leaned back a little bit and watched as John made helicopter noises as he swung something that looked vaguely like a helicopter through the air, as Maddie ran around him holding a plane in each hand. And then somethings were completely predictable, like discovering that somewhere in him, John was just a giant kid.

*****

They made it to the hotel room fairly late at night, staying for dessert and a little while after until it was time for Maddie to go to bed. Rodney had promised to start the legal proceedings as soon as possible and they'd left, the drive out of the town a lot more low key than the drive in. The hotel room was dark and quiet and John couldn't help but be grateful as he sunk down on the bed and dropped his bag at his feet. Rodney was already pulling his laptop out, kicking off his shoes as he sat down next to John.

John lay back on the bed and breathed out. The only sounds he could hear were the steady tapping of Rodney's fingers against his keyboard and the air conditioner steadily blowing cool air into the room. Rodney's leg was warm where it was pressing against John's and if he closed his eyes and ignored that he couldn't feel the gentle tug of Ancient technology surrounding him, he could almost think that he was back on Atlantis. There had been a relief he hadn't expected, the sudden knowledge that they would be able to go back. He was trying to keep himself from believing it, just in case something happened and they wound up taking Maddie after all, but it was too late.

The sound of rapid typing had disappeared and John opened his eyes to find Rodney staring down at him.

"What?" John asked, his voice thick with near sleep. He reached out and found Rodney's hand.

"You were really good with her," Rodney said, his tone of voice a little off.

John pushed himself up with his free elbow to look at Rodney. "She's a good kid. I see a lot of you in her." He purposefully left out that he could see parts of Colonel Carter as well, mostly just in an expression or the way she watched when he was explaining various aircraft.

Rodney closed the screen to his laptop and set it down on the dresser before coming back to sit on the bed. "You liked it, though?"

"Yeah. Kids are fun," John smiled a little and reached out to pull Rodney down on the bed with him.

Rodney came willingly enough, but stopped short of being pulled down for a kiss.

"What is it?" John asked, confused. He would have thought that Rodney would still be ecstatic about the prospect of returning to Atlantis so quickly.

"Did you want to keep her?" Rodney asked. He sat back up and reached over to turn on the light by the bed.

John blinked in the sudden light as he processed the question. Deciding that his instinctive answer of 'no!' was probably insensitive, John opted for the next best thing. "Did you?"

Rodney sighed and dropped his head down into his hands. "I didn't think kids were something you wanted."

Confused about how this was suddenly about him, John reached over and placed his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Kids are fine. If we had to raise Maddie, we would work it out. But you've never seemed overly thrilled about the idea and Kaleb seems like he's a good parent. So, if you're sure this is what you want, we'll get the paperwork started and go back to Atlantis as soon as possible."

Rodney looked up, once again appearing extremely relieved. "Good. After seeing you with her, I just thought-"

"Rodney, no. I'm perfectly happy with the way things turned out." John moved so that he could wrap his arms around Rodney and was pleased when he didn't pull away. "And I'm sure Maddie will love to see pictures of you taken all around the Pegasus Galaxy."

Rodney twisted around in John's arms and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "And where exactly will we tell her those pictures were taken?"

John shrugged and pulled Rodney closer. "Depends on what planet it's taken on. P72-319 could be Africa. P3F-969 for Greenland."

"What about P2K-852?" Rodney asked curiously.

It took John a moment and then he laughed as he pressed his mouth next to Rodney's neck. "You really want to go back to a planet covered in magma and active volcanos just to get a picture?"

Rodney pretended to think about it for a moment before he shook his head and leaned into John's kiss. "No, the ground melted my boots a little bit. We can just go to P6X-986 if we want a picture by a volcano."

John smiled as he pressed his mouth against Rodney's neck again. "Why don't we just skip the volcano planets and go to a beach planet instead. Tropical paradise. We could say it was Hawaii. Or the Bahamas."

"When was the last time we had the opportunity to take a beach vacation in Pegasus?" Rodney asked skeptically. "Oh, that's right. Never."

"It could happen," John said, reaching out and turning off the light. "Stranger things and all that."

"Mmm," was Rodney's only response.

*****

Rodney sighed as he surveyed the lab space he'd been assigned. It was medium-sized, tucked away at the end of a hall on level 19; well out of the way of just about everything on base. A few years ago he would have appreciated being off the beaten path, the opportunity for undisturbed research time and solitude prized beyond all else. But he'd gotten used to being in charge and running the show. And, as much as he complained on Atlantis about always being disturbed and having to fix everyone else's problems, it had felt good to be there helping people. It certainly didn't help that he was sharing a lab with Bill Lee. He didn't even have private office space, which was just unacceptable. And unlike Atlantis, he couldn't just go find an abandoned lab in an unused sector, because everything was accounted for at the SGC.

Bill Lee was smiling at him, chattering in a manner that reminded Rodney of Maddie at the dinner table telling them about her kindergarten class. Rodney occasionally nodded to show that he was listening, which he wasn't, as he examined the set up of the lab and the equipment, making mental notes about where things needed to be moved and how he was going to continue the research that he'd started back on Atlantis.

"Dr. McKay?"

Rodney turned and found Bill staring at him expectantly. "What?" he asked.

"I asked how things were on Atlantis? How is everyone doing?" Bill smiled hopefully.

"Things were fine. We're surviving, for the most part." Rodney replied shortly and put his laptop down on one of the counter spaces.

"Oh, not there, please!" Bill rushed forward to point at two glowing monitors with readings slowly scrolling . "I actually have a very important experiment in the works here, having to do with light refraction on a very interesting planet with the designation P2Y-060, but we like to call it…"

Rodney picked his laptop back up and found a clutter free space at the end of one of the counters in the back corner. He decided that he could move some shelving at least make it a little more private, even if it wasn't soundproof. He looked back to where Bill was standing by his project, still explaining about something. The sound proofing might turn out to be the important part of the equation though, and Rodney toyed with the idea of sound proof force shields. It would take some work, but Rodney was pretty sure that he could figure it out. He certainly had enough motivation.

He did his best to remind himself that it was going to be a couple of months, tops. He'd already shouted on the phone at several lawyers and legal clerks, all of whom had insisted that processing a permanent guardianship and custody would require time and court appearances and interviews and a whole bunch of other ridiculous hurdles and hoops. Explaining that Maddie had already been living with Kaleb for her entire life hadn't seemed to help at all, and Rodney had finally just hung up. John had been remarkably calm through the entire thing, pointing out that he wouldn't want it to be possible for just anyone to take Maddie. In response, Rodney had threatened to hack into the Canadian government and change guardianship there. After spending a minute looking both worried and amused, John had just said that he didn't think Kaleb would go for it.

Rodney thought of all the things he was currently missing on Atlantis, a quick glance at his watch informed him that dinner time was one of those things, and took a slow breath. He could survive a few months of sharing a lab and dealing with lawyers, though he found it somewhat unfair that he couldn't shoot at the lawyers the same way he could the Wraith. He was finding striking similarities between Todd and the lawyer he had finally hired.

"We're all happy to have you back at Stargate Command, Dr. McKay." Bill gave him one last over-cheerful smile before turning back to his own work.

Rodney didn't even know what to say to that. He doubted very much that anyone was happy to have him at the SGC, and if the rumors hadn't already started they would soon enough. Classifying something could only do so much good, especially since there were enough people involved with the rescue itself and nobody could really miss that Sam came back pregnant and with a Goa'uld in her head. There had undoubtably been plenty of staff changeover, it had been over five years, but that meant that the rumors would just have less detail and a lot more speculation.

Sighing again, Rodney booted up his laptop and hoped that where ever John was that he was having a better day.

*****

John landed in parade rest in front of the General's desk, focusing his eyes on a spot on the wall somewhere beyond the General's head.

"Have a seat, Colonel," General Landry said as he sat down behind his desk, picking up one of the files he had in a small pile and studying it for a moment.

John fought back a sigh and sat down, resisting the urge to slump or make himself otherwise unpresentable. Somehow it was always the same, as soon as he wound up in front of his CO they'd take one look and make that instant judgement. And it never seemed to be in John's favor, either. On Atlantis, he never pulled the kind of mind games that the rest of the military seemed to thrive on, all dominance and showing who was in charge. John just gave orders and expected them to be followed, and on the occasions they weren't, he expected a good explanation. He'd received enough bad orders to know that sometimes things just couldn't be done, and he extended that knowledge to the men and women he commanded. So John sat as still as he could and watched Landry flip through a file that he'd certainly already read long before John ever put foot in his office.

"You'll be heading up SG-24. Their files will be delivered to your office. I have a milk-run assignment for you to all get your feet wet and then you'll be heading out on geological survey missions," Landry spoke without looking up from the file.

"Geological survey missions, sir?" John asked, unable to keep his voice as even as he would like. "I'm not sure that would be the best use of Dr. McKay's abilities, or my own."

This time Landry did look up. "Dr. McKay hasn't been cleared for off-world missions while he's at Stargate Command."

John's jaw dropped, thinking of the past three years that he and his team had spent running and fighting for their lives while they tried to keep the Pegasus Galaxy safe from the Wraith. "Dr. McKay is perfectly capable of being on an off-world team. He's been on my team for three years," John found himself almost growling.

"Even if Dr. McKay was cleared for off-world missions, he would not be on your team. There are reasons that relationships between members of teams is prohibited and I am frankly concerned that you allowed Dr. McKay to remain on your team under such circumstances," Landry continued as if John hadn't spoken.

John stiffened in his seat, his mind racing as he tried to come up with some kind of coherent response. Relationships on teams were never cut and dry, the lines were blurred from the very moment they stepped through the 'gate and trusted each other to have their backs. Add to that days spent walking through forests, meals shared more frequently than most families sat down together, rescues from firefights, and captivities, it was a wonder that most teams were as stable as they were. Going through the Stargate was like playing some type of cooperative game of Russian Roulette, and there wasn't anything more important than trusting the people at your back. This was one of the many reasons that John insisted on running both his team and being the military commander on Atlantis. If he wasn't out there, he didn't know how to make the best decisions for his people. He decided right there, though he'd known it long enough, that he would retire before he let them put him behind a desk.

"Dr. Faber is a geologist specializing in identifying where Naquadah deposits form, and is very well suited for a geological survey missions. The files will be on your desk by the end of the day and you can meet your team tomorrow. Dismissed." Landry looked back down at the papers on his desk.

John got to his feet, snapped off a crisp salute and turned and walked from the office in what was far closer stalking than walking or marching. He stopped for a minute in the briefing room, looking down at the 'gate and the team that was gearing up to head out to who knew where. There might not be a Wraith on the other side, waiting to suck their lives from their chests, but he'd read enough reports to know that their home galaxy was hardly a safe place to go for a stroll. He stood at the window and watched as the 'gate spun and the event horizon formed. The group walked up the ramp, one of the team members reaching out to tuck a loose strap from a vest. They stepped through together and John tried to imagine what it was going to be like to go out there with a group of complete strangers. He tried to think about what it was going to be like to go out there without Rodney's quick mind and fingers saving them at the last possible moment. And then he thought of Rodney having to stay behind and worry about whether or not John was okay, because Rodney would worry. That's just what he did.

Doubting that Rodney already knew that he wasn't going to be on John's team, John resolved to tell them that night when they were away from the mountain. There was no use causing a scene at the place that would be their home for the next few months. John shook his head as he thought about that; the SGC wasn't there home and never would be. Atlantis was their end goal now, and they just had to tough it out and survive until then. He left the briefing room and walked through the hallways, wondering how he felt less trepidation in a Wraith Hive Ship than he did on Earth.

*****

Rodney glanced over the apartment that he and John had found. It was in one of the complexes that was close to the mountain; a lot of the personnel who weren't on long term assignment stayed there and the landlords were used to people moving in and out in a hurry. So when John and Rodney showed up with two bags each, looking for a place to stay when they couldn't even say how long they'd be there, the building manager hadn't even given them a sideways glance.

The rooms were pre-furnished, which was great because Rodney didn't want to drag what little he'd stored away out only to have to repack again as soon as the lawyers finished whatever legal mumbo jumbo he was paying them exorbitant amounts of money for.

John had disappeared into the shower as soon as they'd finished their talk. Rodney had been too shocked to even really be angry at the news that he wasn't going to be on John's team, or any team at all. After a minute though, he realized he wasn't even surprised, because Landry had to have been briefed about that mission when he'd taken command of the SGC. In a lot of ways, Rodney had taken for granted what a fresh start Atlantis had been. Colonel Sumner had been the only person on the Atlantis mission who had known and he'd died without passing that information along to John. So when John had told him that he was on his team, Rodney had considered the offer for maybe 10 seconds before accepting. Then he'd spent about two hours locked in his room having a panic attack as he thought about what could happen out there, what had already happened out there. And then something somewhere had malfunctioned and Rodney had pulled himself together enough to fix it and spent the next several months racing from one disaster to the next. By that point, being on the team wasn't so frightening anymore, and it just became part of life on Atlantis.

What bothered Rodney more than being left off the team was John being sent out with people who weren't him, Ronon, or Teyla, or any of the marines that he'd grown to trust. Rodney dropped his laptop case down onto the couch and sat down next to it.

"I know it's not what we thought would happen," John said an indeterminable amount of time later, moving Rodney's laptop as he sat down next to him.

"You could go back to Atlantis. I'll only be here for a few months," Rodney suggested, trying to decide if he'd feel better about John being in a different galaxy but with Ronon and Teyla as backup, or here where he could gear up and run to John's rescue. Because John would need rescuing at some point, he always did.

"Nope," John spoke without hesitation. "I came back to Earth with you because I want to be with you. Even though we're only here for a few months now, that hasn't changed. Like it or not."

Rodney smiled, just barely as he leaned into John. Despite how awful the day had been for both of them, this was somehow enough. Rodney twisted around and wrapped both of his arms around John's, sighing with relief as John copied the motion. "Just a few months. Then we can go home."

COMPANION ART BY DANCESWITHGARY:


Leave Feedback | Read All Feedback